23 7 / 2014

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

  • 1: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
  • 1: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
  • 1: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
  • 1: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
  • 1: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
  • 1: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
  • 1: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
  • 1: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
  • 1: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
  • 1: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
  • 1: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
  • 1: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
  • 1: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
  • 1: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
  • 1: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
  • 1: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
  • 1: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
  • 1: Fuck the government.
  • 1: Fuck the school board.
  • 1: Close the door.
  • 1: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
  • 1: I love puns.
  • 1: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
  • 1: Please shut up.
  • 1: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
  • 1: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
  • 1: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
  • 1: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
  • 1: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
  • 1: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
  • 1: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
  • 1: They act like I care what they think.
  • 1: I hate homework.
  • 1: I have decided to become a politician.
  • 1: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

23 7 / 2014

krenainai:

X

krenainai:

X

(Source: atmagaialove, via krypsis)

23 7 / 2014

"

1. Your skin may never be perfect, and that’s okay.

2. Life is too short not to have the underwear, the coffee, and the haircut you want.

3. Everyone (including your family, your coworkers, and your best friend) will talk about you behind your back, and you’ll talk about them too. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other.

4. It’s okay to spend money on things that make you happy.

5. Sometimes without fault or reason, relationships deteriorate. It will happen when you’re six, it will happen when you’re sixty. That’s life.

"

Five things I am trying very hard to accept  (via peachringslushie)

(Source: aumoe, via wonderlandinmymind)

23 7 / 2014

legs-are-just-for-show:

replaying the same level in a video game for the hundredth time

image

(via camtheinfamous)

22 7 / 2014

22 7 / 2014

art-of-life-xy:

AZUCAR!

art-of-life-xy:

AZUCAR!

(via shalaaya)

22 7 / 2014

vorreiessereunarondine:

La dea della salsa.


🙌💃

vorreiessereunarondine:

La dea della salsa.

🙌💃

(via shalaaya)

22 7 / 2014

(Source: thestanconfessions, via mxydxy)

22 7 / 2014

  • 1: a- a- a-
  • 2: oh, the baby's first words!!
  • 1: a- aaa- al-
  • 2: apple?? air??
  • 1: a- al- al-
  • 1: Alchemy. The science of understanding, deconstructing, and reconstructing matter. However, it is not an all-powerful art; it is impossible to create something out of nothing. If one wishes to obtain something, something of equal value must be given. This is the Law of Equivalent Exchange, the basis of all alchemy. In accordance with this law, there is a taboo among alchemists: human transmutation is strictly forbidden - for what could equal the value of a human soul...?

22 7 / 2014

master-bruce-wayne:

This is exactly why we have this technology

(Source: tastefullyoffensive, via mxydxy)

22 7 / 2014

trust-me-im-satan:

when people start getting close to your friends

image

(via mxydxy)

22 7 / 2014

manikinfear:

I’ve now accepted the fact that I will die in a pile of unread books.

(via foxtofferson)

22 7 / 2014

22 7 / 2014

(Source: footblogged)

22 7 / 2014

James Rodriguez arrived to Sanitas Clinic for his medical Tuesday morning, a few hours before the pending announcement from Real Madrid of his transfer to the club. Real Madrid reportedly bought the player for 80 million and his contract is for six seasons, in which he will earn 7 million a season.

After signing his contract, he will then have his official presentation at the Bernabeu at either 19:00 or 20:00 Spain time. He will reportedly wear the #10 jersey, which has been not been used since Mesut Ozil’s departure last August. | 22-07-14

(Source: concretar, via footblogged)